Heart Transplant - Poem

Heart Transplant

Heart transplant

mine but not mine

Gifted life

for a second time

Grandchild - testament

of love divine

Janice Harten

June 14, 2010

Copyright © 2012 Janice Harten.  All rights reserved.

Sacrifice - Poem

Sacrifice

Adam and Eve cast, from one world to another

Stone upon stone, taught to build an altar

Without spot or blemish each sacrifice made

Hearts pleading and praying to one day be saved

Abraham’s altar built, willing son taken

His choice made, with knife raised to Heaven

Angelic intervention, sacrifice accepted

One heart, two hearts – and a ram in the thicket

An olive tree bent to serve as an altar

“Let Thy will, not my will be done,” He uttered

No angel or Father’s hand to stay this sacrifice complete

Immortal heart broken, body’s blood shed, resurrection sweet

Disciple's heart broken, spirit contrite

Laying open and tender on Christ’s altar, willing sacrifice

Sacred, scarred hands heal and hold

The wounds and entrance to my soul

By Janice Harten
Copyright © 2012 Janice Harten.  All rights reserved.

Reaching Our Goal - 34 Temples

We did it!  Below, is a complete list of 34 beautiful temples Bill and I visited before our 34th wedding anniversary, this year.   It began as only an idea, but blossomed into an unforgettable journey.  Looking back on it now, I see multiple miracles.  How could we afford the time or expense to travel across the nation?  It was as though the Lord opened up a roadmap for us to follow, as Bill's work took him from place to place.  And we filled in the gaps with a few extra road trips and miles.  But, by far, the greatest miracle is the increased love Bill and I feel toward one another, and the love we feel from the Lord.

We made the decision to include the Kirtland Ohio temple, in our total, even though this temple is not currently in operation.  However, it was the first dedicated temple of the latter-day dispensation, and holds a very important place in the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I hope by sharing our experience, my family, and perhaps others, might feel an increased desire to attend the temple, or are edified in some way by reading some of my poetry or thoughts.  I am attempting to put to use the talents and gifts the Lord has given me, to strengthen others.  I am grateful for my testimony and knowledge about the Lord's plan of salvation for myself and all his children.  I want others to enjoy the happiness I feel.

In the temple, we make covenants with the Lord.  These are sacred teachings and promises, accompanied by heavenly power, to help us change and grow to become like him.  They are glorious and edifying.  I think about them everyday as I make choices and decisions about how I conduct my life.  I have many weaknesses to overcome, but I have faith and hope, through Christ, that he will help me overcome them.

I feel the love of the Lord every day.  I do not have to travel somewhere else to find him.  I feel his spirit guiding and teaching me during quiet moments, and whenever I open my heart to him.  I am happy to live a simple and ordinary life, filled with family memories.

1.   Bountiful Utah
2.   Manti Utah
3.   Mount Timpanogos Utah
4.   Cardston Alberta Canada
5.   Kirtland Ohio
6.   Palmyra New York
7.   Boston Massachusetts
8.   Birmingham Alabama
9.   Atlanta Georgia
10. Winter Quarters Nebraska
11. Draper Utah
12. Dallas Texas
13. Oquirrh Mountain Utah
14. Vernal Utah
15. Denver Colorado
16. Monticello Utah
17. Jordan River Utah
18. Salt Lake City Utah
19. St George Utah
20. Las Vegas Nevada
21. Newport Beach California
22. Los Angeles California
23. San Diego California
24. Redlands California
25. Logan Utah
26. Kona Hawaii
27. Laie Hawaii
28. Twin Falls Idaho
29. Idaho Falls Idaho
30. Rexburg Idaho
31. Reno Nevada
32. Sacramento California
33. Oakland California
34. Provo Utah 

Memory and Magic of Moab

Delicate Arch

One of my greatest desires this year, was to see my family reunited for the first time in almost four years.  So, Bill and I picked a date and invited everyone.  The miracle was that everyone sacrificed time off work and hours of long airplane and car rides, and they all came!  I experienced some anxiety leading up to our time together.  I worried about where the best place was to gather and how to accomodate everyone's needs.  In the end, we chose to gather in Moab Utah, in a campground only five minutes from Arches National Park.  We had taken our children there when they were young and thought it would be fun to create new memories there, now with grandchildren.

Moab in June, is hot, so we were especially grateful for air conditioned cabins, and a swimming pool.  Each family planned and prepared one of the meals, and we would gather outside their cabin to eat.  We took the children hiking in the park in the morning, and enjoyed the pool or rested in the hot afternoon.  Then, in the evening, some of the adults took turns hiking some of the more challenging trails together, while others played with the children on the playground.  The flashlights and "Grandpa's" squirt bottles, for each of the grandchildren, were a big hit and made a lot of memories for everyone.

I am filled with appreciation to all my children and their spouses for the amazing effort and understanding they demonstrated, with patience for each individual and family need.  Each family had challenges to overcome, and I am still pinching myself that everyone came and that we had such a wonderful time together.  I miss them so much more, now that we are again apart.  I'm so glad to have a few pictures of our time together.  And it was all worth it.....

Sand Dune Arch

Landscape Arch

Which Bud Will Grow - Poem by Bill

Which Bud Will Grow

Which bud will grow, which bud will stay

Which branch will form this or that way

To left or right or down or up

Which bud will shoot, the other stop?

The bud I chose, it led me here

What I became was even then clear

But of the buds that did not grow

What men were they? I do not know

One bud took flight, the other bound

One sacrificed, the other found

So many buds that could have been

I chose the one I am, instead

Bill Harten

June 2012

Copyright © 2012 Bill Harten.  All rights reserved.

Provo Utah Temple - Agency

Our visit to the Provo Temple was very different from what I imagined it would be.  I thought we would re-live the wonderful events surrounding our marriage there, 34 years ago.  Instead, it was a mix of emotions and memories that began before we even met.  The matured pine trees behind the temple, filled in the years since we were last there.  Squaw Peak, to the east, and BYU University to the south (where we met), held a flood of sweet and poignant memories, hopes, dreams, frustrations, discouragements, excitement, inspiration and longing.  We visited the past and wondered how we got where we are, now.  It began a few days ago, when we saw the pictures of our wedding day.  Real questions surfaced of, 'Who am I?' and 'What happened to the person I was then?'  'Is this the future I imagined for myself?'  Our experience spilled over into the next day as we continued to share our thoughts and feelings, mixed with some tears.

Our life together began one afternoon on the BYU campus, while I was waiting for choir practice to begin, for a special performance behind the DeJong Concert Hall stage, which we were both part of.  I had arrived early, and the room was relatively empty.  A young man entered and walked straight across the room, passing umpteen empty chairs, to sit in the seat right next to me (invading my personal space).  Then he turned and asked if I would be willing to go on a date with him.  I remember thinking, "Why does this good looking guy want to go on a date with me?"  It's not that I felt totally unattractive, but I thought he was very good looking, and I wondered what had attracted him to me.  I asked what he had in mind for the date, and when he mentioned going to a movie at the theatre on campus, I thought that sounded safe enough, so I said yes.  For the next several minutes, we sat in awkward silence, not knowing what to say or do.  When the choir practice began, I felt shy singing next to him.

When he picked me up for the date, he suggested we go to a fun hamburger spot to eat, called Jimba's, instead of the movie, so we could talk and get to know one another.  I decided to be adventurous, and I ordered sprouts on my hamburger, which I had never tried before, (that is about as adventurous as I get, so this should tell you something about me).  The next thing I knew, Bill was asking if he could have a bite of my hamburger.  I wondered who this guy was, to be so bold, especially on a first date.  And, I hate sharing my food with anyone, so, this was almost a deal-breaker.  For the next couple of hours, we  ate, were entertained by the antics of a student in an ape costume who worked for the restaurant, and talked about our families and our studies.  When he dropped me off at my apartment, one of my roommates asked me how the date had gone.  I remember telling her that, at first I wasn't sure about this guy, but I had had a really fun time with him, and if he asked me out again I would say yes.

In the following months, Bill graduated and started working for a company nearby, while I continued to attend college.  And, when Bill asked me to marry him, five months after our first date, I told him no.  I knew a proposal was coming, because Bill's employer was preparing to transfer him to do work in another state.  As soon as I heard this, Bill's best friend said, "Janice, you better start fasting!".  This was sooner than I had anticipated, and I wondered how I could know if I should marry Bill.  One evening, as we were sitting on the couch in my apartment, Bill turned and asked if I would marry him.  I felt bad that I didn't feel to throw my arms around his neck and say yes.  Instead, I told him I needed some time to decide.  Right after this, Bill's employer decided not to transfer him, but here was this big, looming question of marriage.

I prayed, I pondered, I read, I prayed again; nothing seemed to give me the answer I was seeking.  I was waiting for the Lord to tell me what to do.  I wanted a sign of some kind, bells, anything.  But, nothing came, and I wondered how to make such a monumental decision.  I knew I loved Bill.  In a previous relationship, a fellow asked me to marry him.  After several months of uncertainty, I finally told him I couldn't marry him.  He was very hurt.  Yet, I knew I had made the right decision.

Now, with Bill, I was afraid of hurting him, and of dragging this decision on for months.  So, one evening I told Bill that I loved him, but that I did not feel I could say 'yes' to his question, so, therefore the answer had to be 'no'.  I explained that I didn't want the uncertainty to go on for a long time, so I wanted to release him from any obligation to me and allow us both to move forward.  As I told Bill this, it was a very different experience than I had before.  I felt, even though I was telling him no, I knew he would call me the next day and I would go out with him.  I still wanted to see and date him, and I didn't want it to be over.  Later, he told me he felt the same way, and he did call the next day.

This decision, to tell Bill 'no', put us back into just a dating relationship.  We began to have more fun than we had ever had together.  The pressure was off to decide about marriage, so we laughed and got to know one another and had a wonderful time.  Nevertheless, after just a few more weeks of this, I felt it was time again for me to revisit my decision about marriage.  However, this time, I found an important article in the church's Ensign magazine, that helped me understand how to hear an answer from the Lord.

In this article, a young woman described the process she had gone through to make a decision to marry.  It was exactly what I was experiencing.  I took this new found knowledge, and I began to discuss with the Lord my thoughts and feelings.  I told him of my desires and how I felt about Bill, both now and in my future.  In the end, the Lord carefully let me see into my own heart.  I decided that Bill was exactly the kind of person I wanted to marry, and I felt different with him than I had with anyone else I had dated.  I told the Lord that I decided to say yes, and get engaged to Bill.  And I asked the Lord to confirm my answer, by how things would go in the coming weeks.  I told him that I would know it was the right decision, if I felt happy and if things went well between now and the time we were married.  But, if I grew unhappy, and if things became troubled, then I would know I had made the wrong decision, and I would end the engagement.  As it turns out, this was also a very important test for Bill.  Up until then, he had been anxious in his other dating relationships.  Ours was the first time he remained patient and kept dating, in spite of the delay.  So, the Lord had important personal lessons for both of us during this preparatory time.

From the moment I told Bill I would marry him, I felt happier than I had ever felt in my life.  I could not wait to be with him.  Every decision we made went smoothly and all the preparations were put into place without a problem.  And, on the day we were married, I felt happier than ever before.  As we held hands across the altar of the temple, I knew I made the right decision.  I appreciate that the Lord allowed me to know my own desires, and make up my own mind on this most important decision.  It has allowed me to accept responsibility for my choice, and to see how the Lord honors our agency.

Bill describes his decision to marry me, in a very sweet way.  He said he knew on our first date, as he listened to me talk about my family, that he wanted to marry me.  He said, up until then, he often asked the Lord the question, "Is this the one I should marry?".  But after he met me, his prayers changed to, "Please, let this be the one!"

East side of Provo Temple

Our journey, for the past 34 years, has been one of joy, trial and discovery.  In many ways we are opposites; for example, spontaneous vs consistency, grandiose ideas vs steady-she-goes, confident vs hesitant, entrepreneur vs traditional, individual vs group activity.   He helps me dream, I provide stability.   Yet, when it comes to our core values, we are in perfect harmony.  We have strong personal values and religious views.  We respect and love one another.  We are committed to honoring our covenant of marriage and devotion to one another.  We wanted a family and have been devoted to serving them and the Lord.  We acknowledge where we are different and constantly search for ways to nurture the bonds that keep us united and close.  We have our share of disagreements and misunderstandings, but, we work to repair injured feelings and come to an understanding.  It is a work in progress.  Sound too good to be true?  Absolutely! We are in this for eternity.

Breath of Life - Poem

Breath of Life

The breath of life once given

To an infant long ago

Now ceased, still and quiet

In a body left below

From the realms of heaven

Spirit first entered in

Now taken back to Heaven’s home

Where it once began

Heart no longer beating

In this one, but faithful children

Reflect on tender memories

And the lives they were given

Flesh tired and worn, yet sacred

Performed its mortal task

Protected in an earthly tomb

To rest in peace at last

To await a day not distant

When the words 'Come Forth' are heard

And joyful spirit and flesh, again

Obey the Father’s word

By Janice Harten
Copyright © 2012 Janice Harten.  All rights reserved.

World of Discovery - Body

The past few months, I have undertaken a goal to scan and record digital copies of all our old videos and photographs, so they can be shared with our children.  Most recently I have been viewing photos of the day Bill and I were married.  Who are the people in those photographs?!  Time has changed our physical appearance dramatically, from our hair color to our middle.  We looked and felt invincible then, and were totally caught up in ourselves and our future together.  We could function on only a few hours of sleep, eat whatever we wanted, and enjoy hiking and camping.  Now, we experience fitful sleep, gain weight just looking at chocolate cake, and wonder if our knees will carry us down the hill if we attempt to go up it.

I remember, as a child, how excited I was to ride a bicycle for the first time.  I managed to learn quickly, and it gave me freedom I had not experienced before.  As the wind blew my hair, I enjoyed the control and feel of the handle bars in my hands and the power of the pedals under my feet.  I could go places more quickly and easily, and a whole new world opened up for me.  I wonder if this is at all similar to our spirits receiving physical bodies?

I can only imagine how excited I was to finally have my turn to come to earth and receive a physical body.  In the scriptures, we are told we shouted for joy!  (Job 38:7)  How thrilling to contemplate being able to see, hear, smell, taste, touch, speak and move with tangible, physical bodies of flesh and bone.  How significant the gift to conceive and bear children.  How interesting to learn how to use the life of spirit to direct the motion and choice of a new physical world.  What an interesting opportunity the Lord has given us, to see how we will use these temporal shells, before giving us permanent, immortal ones.

Life's difficulties are real, and I see friends and those I love, suffer from painful physical trials.  I do not look forward to growing less mobile or more round, ill or incapacitated.  But, I accept, that eventually our bodies have to stop completely, so our spirits can return to our heavenly home and report on this journey.

And so, I remember and am grateful for the life I have been given, even as my newly acquired but earthly aging, physical self, moans and creaks a little.  I think more carefully about what goes in and around it, and how it moves, so I might enjoy it a little longer.  And I wonder if I will look back with joy and satisfaction, not only on my new found freedom and expression, but with especial appreciation for the opportunity to endure sickness, aches, pains and even eventual death.  

One of the most profound moments in my life, was seeing the body of my mother, still, in death.  Gazing at her, I found myself realizing how much I do not know about the power we are given through this physical gift.  We have barely scratched the surface of our mortal understanding, as we contemplate life in heaven and the things we will be capable of doing with a resurrected body, joined once again to our tested and more developed spirit.  I testify that the power of the atonement will raise us from our death beds and allow us to stand in full majesty before our creator, the King of Kings.

Mosiah 16:8

8 But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.

What a world of discovery and joy awaits us in the heavens!

Different Gifts - Poem

Different Gifts

Meadowlark song

    Hummingbird flight

Pelican beak

    Individually unique

Seek not to compare

    Different gifts to share

Ample to seek

    Spirit’s gifts replete

By Janice Harten

8/15/2008
Copyright © 2012 Janice Harten.  All rights reserved.

Siblings - Importance of Differences

I have discovered something important.  Siblings can become our best friends, and one of our most important support groups, as we grow older.  I have been blessed with a truly amazing brother and four sisters.  I have observed their examples of service throughout their lives, and have been the beneficiary of their compassion and understanding.  And, even though we have lived, at times, at great distances from one another, we have made the effort to stay in touch.

My appreciation for each of them deepened considerably, as my mother and father began to age and my mother passed away.  And I have once again learned a very important lesson.  Each of us is different, yet we contribute individually in important ways.  During the preparations for my mother's passing, we quickly organized and coordinated our efforts to pay tribute to her, and comfort my father.  I accept the need for some to lead and others to follow.  It made for a smooth transition, during a time of grief and some uncertainty.

Since that time, for more than three years, my brother has traveled each week, to spend an evening with my father, purchasing a favorite meal for them to eat while they enjoy a game on TV.  He has provided comfort and a listening ear, and valuable counsel.  I see my oldest sister spend almost every available moment, visiting, listening, coordinating, and giving much needed nursing care, as my father recovers from recent surgery.  Her selflessness is inspiring.  Another sister lives across the nation, yet she calls Dad, coordinates and gathers family history information, gives meaningful insight into his needs, and makes numerous trips to visit.  Together, I travel with another of my sisters, to help clean and maintain the home.  She, along with others, recently traveled with Dad to Mother's grave, to place flowers and remember.  And my youngest sister has spent countless hours capturing copies of photographs, histories, and recording accounts with Dad.  She has offered him companionship and comfort only the youngest can do.  And there is so much more I have not mentioned about each of them.

I feel inadequate and humbled to be part of this noble group.  I cannot begin to keep up with them.  So, instead I have tried to recognize the gift each possesses.  We serve differently.  We love differently.  Our family needs are different.  Our lives are different.  Yet, somehow that is where the magic lies.  Through our coordinated efforts, we have become a team, united in our service to our father, and developing deeper love for one another.  Like the down during a football game, no one questions the importance of the quarterback.  But what would the success of the team be without the center guard, the half back, tight end or wide receiver, not to mention the defensive team?  We are discovering the thrill of a well executed play, and celebrate our unique offerings during this time of our lives.

I also acknowledge the patience and love shown by each of our spouses.  They have been understanding and generous, and have contributed ideas, their time and love.  I hold them in equal regard and respect with my siblings.