Expression of Love

Last night, as my husband and I drove toward the Bountiful Temple, I turned and thanked him for being interested in my deepest thoughts, and for listening to me.  I was remembering why I was so attracted to him when we were first dating.  I felt he cared about who I was and what I thought.  He sought my opinion and ideas.  We had long discussions.  At first I was unpracticed in how to share my thoughts and feelings (and I'm still learning), and I listened to his many ideas.  But, my trust and confidence grew more over time, as he invited and wanted to know how I felt. And I felt completely safe sharing my most personal secrets and desires, without feeling judgement or emotional withdrawal from him.  And he appeared to sincerely respect and value my opinion.  He met a deep hunger in me as we emotionally connected.  This was the greatest gift of love he could have shown me.

In the temple, as the evening continued, I gained additional understanding about myself and others, as it relates to this experience.  I thought about growing up as a middle child in a large family.  I hungered to be acknowledged and struggled to have my opinion heard.  I sometimes withdrew emotionally rather than feel disappointment at not being heard or not having my opinion trusted.  I simply did the easier thing, and caved in to the needs of others.  Now, looking back, I realize that their needs were just as great as mine.  And perhaps they also struggled to be heard.  It is a basic need in everyone to be acknowledged and understood.

Then my thoughts turned to my children.  I remembered, with appreciation, how personally touched I have felt, by conversations we shared.  Each has sought out my opinion or advice, at times, and even when I felt inadequate in my answers, they still seem to value and appreciate what I have to say.  I have felt awed and touched by their level of trust in me, by their deep emotions and profound insights.  I have felt mutually uplifted and helped by their comments and feelings.  I treasure the adult friendship blossoming between us.  Before marriage, I had not imagined that I would be given such meaningful relationships with my children.

I realize, however, that I have not created meaningful relationships, or experienced these moments, as deeply as I desire, with all those I love.  I realize that I have withheld myself emotionally, or felt judgmental, not knowing how to relate or respond to different opinions and feelings.  I lack listening and emotional skills, and I am still coping by sometimes withdrawing.  I feel inadequate, and yet, I wonder if the very relationships I desire will grow from my sharing those inadequacies.  It comes back to a question of trust.  Am I willing to take a chance on having my feelings misunderstood, in the hope of being allowed to see into someone else's heart?  I seek guidance in establishing the right boundaries and openness.

Another, additionally profound realization entered my mind.  Even as I strive to be heard and build caring relationships with others, I have an opportunity to have the most personal and loving relationship with my Father in Heaven.  I realized how much I have neglected to spend time with him, telling him all the feelings in my heart and of my desires, and listening.  He is there 24 hours a day, and even if all my other relationships were void of these emotional connections, the one with my Father in Heaven is always there and available to me.  And my relationship to him is essential to the creation and maintenance of any other relationship, because he is the source of all love.

I find it to be both interesting and personally meaningful, that in my Patriarchal Blessing, the Lord councils me to, "Keep close to your Heavenly Father, pray daily, and approach Him regarding small decisions, as well as greater, and He will direct your paths."  There are an additional five more references to my prayers and receiving revelation from him, throughout the blessing.  I think he was trying to build my confidence and remove any question in my mind that he wanted to have a personal relationship with me.  The Lord has known the very words I needed to hear and just how to nurture me.

The one-line statement of understanding I have come away with, from all of this, is:

Sharing and listening with your heart and seeking to understand another person's thoughts and feelings, is a profound expression of love; whether it is a relationship with the Lord, a husband, child, extended family, or even a stranger.

I long to develop and grow in this area.